On the road again…

I’m not very good at travelling long distances. Partly, it’s because I get motion sickness. This often leads to the whole trip being delayed so that I can change my clothes and/or do a spot of cleaning. It’s also partly because I can’t sit still for very long… which my Ritalin doctor said isn’t my fault. We might even say it’s because I have the bladder of a pregnant mongoose (I have no idea whether mongooses (… mongeese?) have particularly abnormal bladders but the comparison felt right so I went for it). Heck, you could probably also blame the fact that my body takes it upon itself to omit enough heat that I could easily be used as a form of alternate energy (take that, solar panels). But those who know me best will know that the primary reason I don’t take well to long distance travelling is because I can’t shut up for longer than 23 seconds (±).

The combination of all these problems are really inconvenient in small spaces, especially the latter. You would think some relief would be found in watching movies on my laptop, reading books or something of the sort, but regretfully: the motion sickness kind of shoots that horse in the face. It would only work if I put a blanket over my head and I obviously can’t put a blanket over my head or else I get too hot. Duh. Pay attention. So the only thing I can actually do is listen to music. Yet, even still, there comes a point in every young girl’s iPod-listening life where the batteries die and the only thing left to do is be the entertainment (charging it in the fiery-circle-thingie is a ridiculous suggestion. Stop being impractical).

Now, I don’t mean to brag so I’ll ensure that I say this as modestly as possible.

The games I play in the car are the funnest games in all of the land.

This is because they always involve singing. Here are some things you can expect if you choose to get into a car with me:


This game is one of my favourites. The reason for this is because most people refuse to play with me, and this game can be played on your own (*bravely pretends that this wasn’t one of the saddest things I’ve ever typed*). It’s simple – you go through the alphabet on a certain theme, whether it’s musicals, bands, song names etc. For instance, A = Aladdin, B = Billy Elliot, C = Chicago, D = Dirty Dancing, E = Evita etc (gosh, just typing that was a whirlwind of joy and emotion). I’m stumped on X if anyone has any suggestions.


I’ve taught my siblings different harmonized parts of a variety of songs and I force them to perform them for ages (well, until they get rowdy after realizing I always get the solos). These songs include: Tears in Heaven, Hallelujah, Downton (they are particularly resentful of this one because their only lines are the parts that go “Downtown”). Sometimes, my parents join in if they’re in a good mood (thus it’s important to play this game early on if I want them to play). Once, I had everyone doing a rendition of Potter Pals, which, in a parallel universe where I had an iPhone and not a Nokia at the time, would be the reason for my YouTube fame.


This is a real cracker. Please note that we used to play this long before they played a version of it in “Pitch Perfect”. Do not challenge me on this – it will get ugly real fast. Almost as fast as when people try cheat in 30 Seconds, but not quite. Also, please try to contain your excitement for long enough that you are able to finish the article before you rush off to play it. For this game, you need to sing a song and stop on a random word. Then, the next person has to sing a different song that has that word in it. For instance, I would sing: “I can’t feel my face when I’m with you. But I love it. Oh. I can’t feel…” and you would respond with “… Caaaaaaan you feeeeeeel, the loooooove toniiiiiight”. Eventually though, despite the fact that I could play for hours, everyone gets grumpy and requests that we play the “Silent Game”.

The Silent Game

For some mysterious reason, everyone always wants to play this game with me – it must be because playing car games with me is so fun. I guess it’s relatively enjoyable, but it gets a bit dreary. I really don’t get why everyone likes it so much. While the appeal will remain as illusive to me as why people would choose BBQ dipping sauce over Sweet ‘n Sour for their chicken nuggets, finding people to play games with whilst driving is very difficult and beggars can’t be choosers. All participants chant: “Silence in the courtyard, silence in the street. The world’s biggest idiot’s about to speak!” (I know, so sassy). Naturally, I always stay the quietest for the longest because the only thing I like more than talking is winning (excluding sports). Another phenomenon is that the people I beat don’t get that sad that they’re the world’s biggest idiot? Well, the joke is on them I guess.

I’m probably going to have a flock of messages requesting my attendance on road trips hereafter, so I’m going to ask that you please send your requests via email so that I’m able to keep my social and business lives separated. I appreciate your understanding on the matter.

No Go’s

Sometimes, what-not-to-do’s are best learnt through experience. Other times, there’s little point in experiencing something that you know is going to end in an awkward situation. Luckily for you, I attract awkward situations like people’s new bikini bods attract people to Instagram. So, I’ll share with you some serious no-go’s in the hope that it saves you in the future.

Continue reading No Go’s

Dates or mates?

There are many stages involved when moving from the world of singledom into a relationship and a lot of terms that you need to know if you’re going to understand this conversion. It would seem that it’s not quite as simple if you’re not a part of the world in which the concepts are used. So, to help out generally uninformed young people as well as highly confused parents, I’ve tried to simplify some of the most important terms.

Continue reading Dates or mates?

Life Hacks

I have read many “how to” articles in my time. Unfortunately, most blogs and websites insist on giving terrible advice that simply rewords the problem. For instance, “don’t hit the ball into the bushes” in a “how to play golf” tutorial is all well and good in theory. But, for goodness sake, who would ever try to hit the ball into the bushes? This advice is entirely redundant and could be likened to saying “don’t do things that distract you” in a “how not to procrastinate” tutorial.

Continue reading Life Hacks

50 Shades of Cray

Dear Concerned Mothers

I’m writing this in response to the many articles that you’ve been sharing on your Facebook pages after the release of the film, “Fifty Shades of Grey”. You worry, I understand, about a lot – snotty noses, bullies… Nobody underestimates the strain you take trying to keep your little chickens safe. So please, try reading this with an open mind and without taking offense.

Continue reading 50 Shades of Cray

Meg Thomas' Blog


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