13 Day Diet

It’s nearly Christmas, which means I have just under a month until I’ve failed yet another New Years Resolution: “Get fit and skinny”. Obviously, I also failed: “Find a steamy boyfriend” and “Go to every lecture” but if I’m honest, I put those on my list for good faith rather than anything serious.

Just when I thought there was no hope and that I would have to spend yet another holiday being mistakenly thrown into the sea by concerned Whale Activists when spotted tanning, I was told of a diet. A “13 Day Diet”.

I’m a quick-fix kind of girl. I enjoy things happening fast. Most importantly: I enjoy food much too much to give it up in moderation – I would rather have 13 days of hell and then get fat again. (I’m being both facetious and hyperbolic here, please note). The film “Lone Ranger” sums up my approach quite simply: “Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing. Moderation is for cowards”.

So, that’s what I embarked on last week (I didn’t make it to 13 days). It has been tough, it has been strenuous, I cried a few times and I’m not sure I will ever feel the same about buttered toast. But here it is – my 7 day diet.

Day One (Sunday)

Breakfast: Coffee
Lunch: 2 boiled eggs and spinach
Dinner: Baked Steak

Hello? Is anyone out there? Help! Is it possible to die from hunger? I think I’m dying. It’s the end. It was lovely knowing you all. Please never read through my phone messages. And Kate – you know the drill. Please burn all my diaries (after you’ve finished reading them and chuckling a little).

 Day Two (Monday)

Breakfast: Unlimited buttered toast and coffee
Lunch: Baked steak, salad and fruit
Dinner: Unlimited Ham

Boy oh boy! UNLIMITED BUTTERED TOAST?! Do these people realise that most people who feel the need to take an extreme 13 day diet are probably the type who know what they’re doing when it comes to buttered toast consumption?

Time has passed… Toast isn’t substantial. I’m so hungry. It’s nearly dinner and I cannot wait until I can eat a whole pig’s worth of ham! (Except that I’m poor so actually it will be more like 3 slices). Why am I doing this to myself? Is it even healthy? I bet not. I bet if I google it for long enough I can find an article that says this is bad for my health.

Oh no… Sarah has asked me for dinner with her dad… I wanna go so baaaaad. But I already ate my portion of Ham for the evening meal. Mother of pearl…

Day Three (Tuesday)

Breakfast: Unlimited buttered toast and coffee
Lunch: 2 baked eggs, tomato and greenbeans
Dinner: Ham, salad and cucumber

Woke up feeling enormously guilty for going to dinner last night. I even had ice cream AND wine. I’m such a rebel. Someone find me a cage, because this girl is WILD.

Managed to distract myself with my internship today so didn’t think about food – the key to success is distraction.

Day Four (Wednesday)

Breakfast: Unlimited buttered toast and coffee
Lunch: Raw carrot and unlimited cheese (!!!!!!!)
Dinner: Fruit salad and yogurt

I was waiting for this day all week. All you can eat cheese for lunch. Ca-CHING. Safe to say it was the easiest day so far!

Day Five (Thursday)

Breakfast: Unlimited buttered toast (vom) and coffee
Lunch: Baked white fish and tomato (raw)
Dinner: Baked steak, salad and cucumber

Dear God. Make me a bird. So I could fly far, far far away.

Day Six (Friday)

Breakfast: Unlimited buttered toast and coffee
Lunch: Baked chicken breast
Dinner: 2 boiled eggs and carrots

Hold it out until at least 7pm, Megan. You can do it. If you eat now, you wont be able to sleep. Think of skinny you. Think of happy things. Don’t think of All-You-Can-Eat Cheese. It’s not going to make things any easier.

Day Seven (Saturday)

I AM A FAILURE. I accidentally ate a 400g bag of chocolate covered shortcake Tumbles. They’re my favourite chocolate in the whole world. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I also accidentally ate a pizza. And sorbet. Mmm. Worth it.

I wouldn’t recommend this diet – although I did lose 3kgs from it. Unless you have lots of time and nothing else to do. I had to miss out on so many fun alcohol-infused activities and couldn’t go for lunches and dinners. Here’s to hoping the weight stays off. I’ll leave you now – I have some important matters to attend to (PIE AND CHIPS AND COKE AND YUM)


I Love My Laundry

Have you ever felt immobilized by your craving for a glass of wine? Or a cup of good coffee? But you feel like you couldn’t possibly, because you have so much laundry to do? And, because of the nature of your highly demanding laundry schedule, don’t have time to enjoy the finer things in life, like some art? And are you so distracted by this combination of desires due to a subtle craving for some Dim Sum? No? Never? Neither had I, until I became aware of the existence of “I Love My Laundry”.

“I Love My Laundry” is a Laundromat, coffee shop, Dim Sum restaurant, art gallery and a wine-tasting hub in Cape Town. It is situated on Bree Street and is open from Monday to Sunday from 7am to 7pm. The one I have experienced (… for now) is the one situated on Bree Street and what I say hereafter is referring specifically to my experience at this branch.

The primary function of the venue is a Laundromat. You take your laundry to them and they get going with what they are masters of: Laundry, Dry Cleaning, Dying and Alterations and Ironing.

They are fast, efficient, and have managed, every time, to provide me with a batch of clean washing that is not stained pink from a stray red sock.

If I were to name one thing that I enjoy more than not having to do my own laundry it would be enjoying a glass of wine at the end of the day. On Wednesdays (my new favourite day), the wine is free between 6pm and 7pm. On every other night, you get a free glass of wine, or a soft drink, with your meal (my next favourite part).

For just R40, you get presented with a delicious plate of Dim Sum – 8, to be exact. The day you go dictates the type of Dim Sum on offer and you can mix and match the flavours as you wish. The flavours I’ve tried so far have been: Pork and Cabbage, Pork, Chicken and Ginger, Tofu and Vegetable Chilli. My personal favourite is definitely the Chicken and Ginger (but don’t let this stop you ordering the others!)

During the day, the place might be mistaken for one of the many quirky, exciting and affordable coffee shops that make Cape Town the trendy city it is.

It is the home of delicious coffee and a great venue to sit down and enjoy a moment in caffeinated euphoria. Whether you are enjoying the cuppa while you wait for your laundry (or Dim Sum… or for it to reach an acceptable hour to start drinking wine), or catching up with friends, or even sitting reclusively with your laptop making use of the free Wifi, you are bound to find this spot leagues ahead of its contemporaries.

If all of this variety wasn’t enough to pique your interest, then you might be tempted by the appeal of viewing some art. The venue displays a variety of art work and is an opportunity for you to appreciate some of the local talent Cape Town continuously produces.

The most important feature that factors into my choice of restaurant is whether or not I am welcomed with friendly and efficient service.

Part of the charisma of the place is its laidback, “we just landed from dim sum heaven” feel that permeates through its walls.

The restaurant is not a commercial hub therefore it would be a lie to say they were fast, efficient and attentive. They were friendly and excited to be hosting guests, but there lacked a certain watron-customer relationship. You are not a customer in their restaurant, but rather a guest in their living room. They welcome you with big smiles and you sit, with all the other guests as well as the people working on duty that evening, at a long table decorated with second hand books and interesting objects that I imagine I might find in my grandmother’s attic.

They say you should: “Never trust a skinny chef”. This is not 100% relevant as I didn’t get to meet the kitchen staff. However, it applies to the fact that the people working at the restaurant were sitting, alongside their guests, enjoying wine and Dim Sum as well. If it’s good enough to eat yourself – it’s good enough to serve. Finally, while you are balancing your bill and getting ready to leave, you might want to try some of the fudge they sell.

Basically, from the moment you enter “I Love My Laundry” until the moment you roll out, full belly, tingling head, clean laundry and fudge in tow, you feel entirely satisfied by the time and money you have lost in the process. In fact, “loss” is not the word I would use – visiting “I Love My Laundry” is money and time well spent.

Date Night

I’ve not been on a date since I was 16, where it hardly counted because my chronic fear of boys left me mute for the evening. I also had braces. It’s possible that this dry-spell is because I wake up 10 minutes before I need to be somewhere and only wear make-up when it’s strictly necessary. But I think (… I hope) there must be more to it. Nowadays, especially amongst young adults, it’s very rare that people go on dates if they’re not in a relationship (when, of course, it stops counting as the kind of date I’m talking about). I blame modern society and specifically: Online Dating, the “Hook Up” Culture and Relationship-o-phobia.

Continue reading Date Night

The Bucket Ultimatum

Has your conscience got you down? Do you feel like you should be donating to charity? Have you been wondering if there is an alternative to doing such? Well, has social media got the solution for you! If you don’t want to donate to charity, all you need to do is dump a bucket of ice water on your head and you’re off the hook. It’s THAT EASY. One more time: The choice is yours – donate or be drenched. Terms and conditions apply. Continue reading The Bucket Ultimatum

Stalk Dirty to Me

Originally posted on World Wide Weirdos:

I’ll be honest with you: I am a very active Facebook stalker. (Falker? No? Ok.) I make no effort to deny that if I have you on Facebook, I am 99% likely to have had a look at our mutual friends, looked through your photos and browsed through your interests. I’m given flack for it, but can I help it if I’m really curious? At least I don’t stalk to strangers, right? I reserve my expertise for people I know (it’s more fun that way anyway).

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When I Grow Up

Originally posted on World Wide Weirdos:

As a child, I was loud and had absolutely no concept of “volume control”. I said exactly what was on my mind when it was on my mind. I would sing for people that did not ask for me to do such and I ate a significant number of these sour flower stalks I used to find in my garden. Basically, I held blissful childhood ignorance as to what it means to have “social etiquette”.

Dramatics were a particular strength.

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The Hangover

Exam time is looming and, as per usual, I am filled with brilliant ideas of how to waste my time. I could be doing more important things; like starting an addiction to “Breaking Bad” (I’ve heard it’s really good) or reading one of the four set works that should be finished by my English exam next week.

Instead, I will engage with a very introspective and profound topic: Hangovers. Otherwise known as the universe’s pitiless way of saying: “you can’t have your cake and eat it”.

Continue reading The Hangover

Intention vs Impact

People often weigh the extremity of an act of discrimination on a scale that evaluates intention. We try reach a moral verdict based on whether or not the perpetrator had intended on causing harm. Unfortunately, this can’t always be the ice pack to the burnt area of society. It’s a concept I was very familiar with growing up:

“Sorry doesn’t make it better”.

Continue reading Intention vs Impact

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